Do I REALLY have to touch THAT?

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So…for a wordsy girl, I am feeling a little quiet this afternoon. (And everyone breathes a sweet sigh of relief! 😉 Finding myself with a few – highly sought after – quiet moments – the thoughts and burdens of ministry seem to be sitting heavy on my chest. God called me to be a wife, He called me to be a mama, He called me to lead in my church, He called me to be a friend – there is not an aspect of my life that isn’t drenched in ministry. There is so much joy in it, and there is so much heaviness to it. There are moments you feel so high and excited as you see light bulbs go off in the eyes of another, as you hear His word spoken, as you see love wash all over the face of your child…and there is such sadness when the realization there is only so much you can do hits. All of it – the joys and triumphs, the helplessness and sadness – bring with it a roller coaster ride of various forms but it truly is so worth it – as it all ties back to my relationship with Christ. There are moments in ministry, in family, in life where we are faced with a choice. Let it consume us or let it glorify Him. Reminded me of an experience I had sometime back…

Many years ago my husband selflessly allowed me to sneak away for a weekend alone so that I could have some one-on-one time with my Jesus. No, I didn’t go to any kind of conference. No, I didn’t go with a laid out or detailed plan. No, I didn’t take anyone with me. It was just me, my Bible, my praise music, my Bible study on James and my Jesus. It was a sweet time. It held moments of great emotion, moments of intense excitement (LOVE studying His great and powerful word!), and just tender moments of working through the hidden areas of my heart. But those details…I will keep between me and my sweet Jesus.

photo (11)This weekend stands out in my mind, honestly, because of what I found when I arrived at my get away retreat. Forgive the picture, but I needed the visual for you to understand. When I arrived and pulled into the driveway…this little guy pictured here was laying in the middle of the driveway. Seriously, gross, right? Now maybe I’d been hanging out with my, then, three adventurous kids for too long, but I had to check him out. Not that I am going to ask you to, but if you click on it and look closer the little bugger is completely missing a leg. I don’t know what this thing got himself into…but love his heart it did not come out well for him. And suddenly I found myself with a dilema…what do I do with him?

 

Options…

  1. Though obviously dead…back the car over him repeatedly to verify death.
  2. Find something to throw over it – covering it up so I don’t have to look at it.
  3. Pretend like I never saw him (though being right in the middle of the driveway…that was going to be a stretch).
  4. Find a shovel and remove him to his final resting place in the woods.
Now put a pause on this scene from the nature channel…and fast forward to why I went away that weekend. I went away for some focused time with my Jesus, but what does that mean exactly? Well, it was time to pray over those the Lord has placed in my life. It was time to dive deeper into His Word and try to learn more about this great God. But it was also a time to get real with the Lord; to look at those areas of my heart and my life, that I have been trying to hide away from the Lord. Those areas that we (who are all sinners) should always be seeking to unravel and allow the Lord access to. I don’t know about you but this can be a scary thing to do sometimes. Do I allow the Lord full access into my heart? Do I allow him into places that I myself sometimes don’t want to go? And suddenly I am faced with some options…
  1. Do I replay past events, past choices, past sins repeatedly to verify that I am worthless?
  2. Do I find something to throw over that area of my life to cover it it up so I just don’t have to look at it?
  3. Do I pretend that those areas just don’t exist? Why even bring them up with the Lord – let’s focus on the good stuff and pretend those aren’t there?
  4. Do I get down on the ground, even it takes an ocean of tears, even if it’s painful, even if it gross…and just remove it and allow the Lord to put the junk in it’s final resting place?
Back to my little friend…as I considered my options I really did begin to lean toward pretending it wasn’t there and just trying to avoid it…but it became all I could think about. First of all it was just icky. But let’s say I did leave it – what if it encouraged other critters to come out and feast on it right there by my car? ‘Ick’ intensified. As much as I wanted to just walk away – that was not a viable solution. I wish you could have seen me remove this thing. It’s not like I even had to get my hands dirty. I just had to grab a shovel, scoop it up (although scooping was more like pushing it across the driveway until I could gain some traction to scoop) and walk a few yards toward the woods. I barely touched it and that gag reflex came over me and I stood there shuttering. After a quick ‘man up’ speech…I pushed, scooped and carried the little bugger to it’s final resting place (head turned away the entire time). And like that…the problem was solved, the yuck was gone and I could move on.
You know where I’m going now, right? 😉 I won’t drag it out…don’t continue to beat yourself up over past choices. Don’t try to hide it away – hoping others but more importantly Jesus won’t see it. Don’t try to pretend that it doesn’t bother you, isn’t ‘that big a deal’ or think that avoiding it will prevent further pain. Avoiding it will only prevent further healing. Similarly don’t let current circumstances or situations have such victories in your heart and mind. Don’t beat yourself over what you could have done or should be doing. Don’t hide away and think that absense will just make it all go away. Don’t pretend there isn’t something there hurt, heavy or weighing. Grab your shovel…fall to your knees…there’s only one choice friend…
Praying for you.

4 responses

  1. Love your blog, and I hope you don’t mind, I have tagged you in one of my upcoming weekly events. Every Friday, I highlight a blogger on my site whom I’ve enjoyed, and I have set your blog to be highlighted on Friday, April 21. Hope you enjoy, and I hope it will bring more readers to find your page. 😊 You have a story worth hearing! Keep sharing!