About 4:00pm on Tuesday, I was getting ready to prepare dinner – homemade lasagna night! 😉 Got all of the ingredients out and realized that we had used all of the cheese on taco night the evening before. Cheese is a pretty crucial ingredient when cooking lasagna and I had already gotten it locked in my head that this is what we were having so I loaded up the kids and started off to the store. I had gotten as far as our neighbor’s house when I heard my, then, sweet four year old say – ‘I don’t have shoes.’ Sigh. Brakes. Garage door open. Out he runs as fast as his little legs could take him and just as fast he was back – shoes in hand – yes, hand – but at least we had them. Around 20 minutes later we were back at the house and to my surprise the garage door was open. Somehow with the in-and-out of my little man, I had not closed it as I pulled out. Oops.

As I drove into the garage, Isaac matter of factly said, ‘Mom, there’s a hummingbird in the garage.’ To which I quickly responded ‘No there isn’t!’ Several rounds of this back and forth commenced until I finally got out and looked at our ceiling and brilliantly said, ‘There’s a hummingbird IN our garage.’ Bless this sweet hummingbird’s heart – he was so very scared and so very dumb. As we began to watch him (and of course name him – Squeakers), he just kept flying to the ceiling. He kept looking up, hitting his head on the ceiling – over and over and over. I tried countless things to try and get him out – even pulling the car back out of the garage so that nothing would block his exit out. None of this worked. He just continued to flutter across the ceiling. Soon my concern for him melting in the heat of my garage became frustration over how dumb a bird are you? There is a massive opening a foot below you – and you won’t look down and go out?!? Dumb bird!

A few days ago, I shared this story with some friends and did so from the perspective of a mama’s role in leading her children. But as I work my way through the book of James, stumbling onto today’s verses in James 2:12-13 – ‘Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment.’ I suddenly see this real life illustration played out in a much different way. It was roughly 95 degrees in our garage that day. I tried for several hours to encourage this bird to get out and no matter what I attempted to do – he continued to hit his head on the ceiling or hide on top of the garage door. I wanted him to be free. I knew that the conditions he was currently in would literally be the death of him. My approach began gentle and sweet, but as time ticked by and my dinner began to get delayed – I began to just get frustrated. And yes, even coming to that moment of ‘well if you want to stay in the garage and get hungry, hot and die – that’s on you bird!’ But instead of leaving him to his own demise, I Googled ‘how to remove a hummingbird from your garage.’ First words were ‘It is very easy to remove a hummingbird from your garage.’ Like poo it is – we’ve been at it for over two hours and that stinker is still hanging out in there! But with simple suggestions of being mindful of it’s fears, helping to create a focus, and having everything point clearly to the light outside that gives freedom – he will quickly leave. We removed the kids, set out red objects to help focus it’s attention, kicked on the headlights and soon he flew right out. When I tried to get in the way, with my attempts of freeing it – it only scared it more and sent it flying in the wrong direction. When I gave up, judging it as a dumb bird – it gave up and just sat – still stuck – in our garage. But when I realized that I wasn’t going to be the thing that saved it and set it free…when I realized that my attempts were only condemning it – I knew I had to change my approach. 

My approach with people has to change as well. I am not to judge, not to think I know what is best for what will set them free or that I can help them see the light. Did you catch verse 12? God’s law is what gives freedom. If I judge others, if I intervene with my opinions and thoughts, I’m not extending grace or mercy and may very well be sending them in the very opposite direction. Mercy triumphs over judgement. Stop casting judgement, start showing mercy. Thank you ‘Squeakers’ for this reminder!

My prayer for Today…

Lord – It is such a temptation to want to cast judgment on others. It is so easy to think my words or opinions could be THE thing that will help someone else see the light. Woo, glory forgive me for those moments of such arrogance and pride. May I never forget that I will never see all of what is going on in the heart and life of that other person. I may not – but you do. May I realize that my words, my actions, my judgements may in fact turn them off to Christ. But mercy Lord! That is what you’ve called me to. ‘Mercy’ – compassion or forgiveness shown toward someone
whom it is within one’s power to punish or harm. My words could so easily hurt, my actions could so easily punish…but that is not what you called me to. You in fact say that you’ve got that covered. Mercy – compassion over punishment; forgiveness over harm. Glory Lord. May I love them as you’ve called me to – you are the one that will teach them the lessons they need to
learn; you are the one that will challenge them, grow them and refine them. May I not just listen to these words Lord – may I DO them. Thank you for the mercy you have continually shown to me Lord. Continually! Love you so greatly! In Jesus name – Amen!

The church I grew up in…

The home that I grew up in was fractured at best. I was a preacher’s kid. My father preached and my mother lead the choir. At church we were always dressed in our Sunday best, always smiling. We had to look the part and in most cases I believe we pulled that off. We had to keep superficial relationships, but even those remained at arms length because to get too close meant you might see imperfection, you might see chaos, hurt, anger, loneliness and levels of dysfunction too deep and painful to speak of here. What went on within the four walls that we called home was nothing of what was seen at church on Sunday…not even a shadow of the truth because we were a ‘religious’ family. We hid behind our title, we made sure that we did all of the right things and had all of the right appearances, most of all we made it a point to never tell the truth of what home life was like to anyone. Part of keeping up with those appearances was not only in what we didn’t say it was in what we didn’t do. We were religious…so that meant no joining the band, no going to parties, no real friendships with anyone ‘unchurched’, to name a mere few. There was never an option ‘to be real’ but always – always – we were to have it together. Somehow my parents, and many of their generation, thought they were adhering to these verses found in James – ‘Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. James 1:26-27  They thought that by avoiding or ignoring the things of this world that was ‘keeping oneself from being polluted by the world.’ But that is NOT what James means here. How did they miss such obvious truth?

It has taken many painful years to learn to be genuine, to learn that ‘being religious’ is not the goal. I do not have it together -and to try to spend all of my time trying to convince you I do and not be concerned about your heart or your walk is foolish, and that time worthless. This is such a tender subject to me as it brings up childhood memories I would very much like left hidden away, but it is a subject that still rears it’s head up even today. Praise the Lord…let me say that one more time…PRAISE the LORD that He brought me out of that home and into a true understanding of what being His entails.

James concludes his thought by simply expressing that we need to be compassionate down to the ones who are at the lowest and most vulnerable position. That means we’re gonna have to get our hands dirty and we’re gonna have to risk our own hearts for the heart of another. Here is my paraphrasing – ‘You say you love Jesus. You say he is in your heart and who you live your life for. If that’s true that’s gonna be evident in how you live, how you love, how you accept, how you forgive, how you’re compassionate. It’s more than talk. If you’re just talking the talk – be quiet. If it is genuine – it will be evident by how it pours out of you. It’s gonna mean that you’re gonna have to step down from your high horse and get down and dirty. When you do get out in the world – to love the unloved, to encourage the broken, to hold the abandoned, to protect the insecure…protect your heart. In your attempts to love those of the world…don’t fall victim yourself.’ James NEVER says don’t be in the world. He NEVER says don’t reach out to the world. Just merely – remember that when you have faith in Jesus, he goes with you, he’s in you – don’t pollute that, don’t lose that, don’t neglect that hope. It’s not about being religious. It’s not about following an endless list of do’s and don’ts. It’s not about appearances. It’s about loving a God who is crazy in love with us. It’s about taking that love into the world. It’s about holding tight to Him so that the world that wants to suck us in can never get that grip. May we stop desiring to be religious and just desire to be His!

My prayer for Today…

Lord…this subject hits such a tender nerve with me.   Lord, at the end of the day…I want nothing more than to be your girl. I want to be a genuine reflection of the relationship that I have with you; loving others as you would love them, spreading the truth of your great love. I desperately long to lose the title of ‘religious’ and just simply be ‘yours’. Help me where I stumble…hold me when I fall. I love you…Amen.

‘Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.’ James 1:16-18 NIV

Today, if you will humor me, I just want to look at the simplicity of these verses.

Every good and perfect gift is from above…how often do we try to chalk things up to coincidence, or attach some other ‘thing’ to it…when clearly, plainly – the things we experience, the things gifted to us are from Him; simply from Him…for us.

Our Father in heaven – does not change like shifting shadows…how often do we humanize God? There are countless people…most people I would dare say…that we encounter who, in time seem to change like a shifting shadow. Their expectations don’t get met. They get bored or uncomfortable. We begin to go in a direction that they don’t desire to go in. They say one thing, but do another. Their behavior completely changes like shifting shadows…and whether intentionally or not, we begin to think that God operates in much the same way. ‘Sure he’s giving us something good now, but it won’t last. He’ll go away; He’ll take it away; He’ll expect something I can’t give,’ and the list goes on.

The word of truth…the Bible we hold in our hands, scroll through on our phones, study in moments of quiet, look to in moments of desperation, sing to in times of worship – His Word, His Scripture…is truth.

Why is it so easy for us to discount what the Lord is doing? Why is so easy to think less of Him than we should? When He allows something good in our life, why do we quietly wait for ‘the catch’ or for the bottom to just suddenly fall out. Why do we sing of how great His love is, but when we are at our worst, feel He could never really love us. Why can be believe some aspects of the Bible (he was born of a virgin, he died on a cross, he rose again), but we question when it says that he takes great delight in us. I don’t know about you , but when I’m at my lowest…when the trials are most painful and the temptations are great…my ‘go to’ question can tend to be ‘God, where are you?’ Today I want to take one of His most precious gifts, His Word, His truth, and see that when He says He does not change like shifting shadows – He backs that truth up again and again. He means what He says. You may be tempted to skip through these…but I challenge you to read each one and allow the truth, the promise and the hope to resonate within you.

He never changes…He is from everlasting to everlasting…

• Malachi 3:6 – I the Lord do not change.
• Psalm 90:1-2 – Lord, you have been our dwelling place throughout all generations. Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.
• Nehemiah 9:5b – Stand up and praise the LORD your God, who is from everlasting to everlasting. Blessed be your glorious name, and may it be exalted above all blessing and praise.
• Isaiah 40:28 – Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

He is eternal…forever…lasting from generation to generation…

• Jeremiah 10:10 – But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King.
• Daniel 6:26 – I issue a decree that in every part of my kingdom people must fear and
  reverence the God of Daniel. ‘For he is the living God and he endures forever; his kingdom will not be destroyed, his dominion will never end.’
• Lamentations 5:19 – You, LORD, reign forever; your throne endures from generation to generation.
• Matthew 24:35 – Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
• 2 Corinthians 4:18 – So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
• Psalm 100:5 – For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations.

He is the I AM…yesterday, today, forever…

• Exodus 3:14a – ‘God said to Moses, ‘I AM who I AM.’
• Revelation 1:8 – ‘I am the Alpha and the Omega,’ says the Lord God, ‘who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.’
• Hebrews 13:8 – Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
• Psalm 102:25-27 – In the beginning you laid the foundations of the earth, and the heavens are the work of your hands. They will perish, but you remain; they will all wear out like a garment. Like clothing you will change them and they will be discarded. But you remain the same, and your years will never end.

He is our rock…our firm foundation…

• Psalm 18:2 – The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
• Deuteronomy 32:4 – He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.
• Psalm 40:2 – He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and the mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
• Colossians 1:17 – He is before all things, and in him all things hold together.
• 2 Timothy 2:19 – Nevertheless, God’s solid foundation stands firm, sealed with this inscription: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, ‘Everyone who confesses the name of the Lord must turn away from wickedness.’

He never fails…He never leaves

• Luke 1:37 – For no word from God will ever fail.
• Isaiah 14:24 – The LORD Almighty has sworn, ‘Surely, as I have planned, so it will be, and as I have purposed, so it will happen.’
• Matthew 28:20b – And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.
• Hebrews 13:5b – Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.
• Psalm 23:4 – Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
• Isaiah 43:2-3a – When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD your God.

How often the enemy tries to deceive and tell us something so different from what you see above. How awesome that this list does not even skim the surface of what scripture says about the unending, consistent, solid, powerful, and eternal God that we love and who loves us! What a beautiful reminder of a wonderful God who’s crazy about someone like me…like you. Hoping you are soaking Him in today!

My prayer for Today…

My precious Savior, how I love you. Lord, you have brought me through some exceedingly difficult times. Challenges and changes that I could never have envisioned have quickly and quietly snuck in and out over few years. And Lord, while in my head I know you say you love me and that you will be my refuge, my strength, one that will not leave me – how many times have I questioned – where are you? How patient you are with me. Thank you for the gift of your Word. What I read in one place, you back up in another. What I question, you confirm again and again. I have seen, even just this week, people who operate like shifting shadows. I’ve seen hypocrisy at it’s finest. May I not take those experiences that I’ve witnessed and presume that you would dare operate in the same fashion. What you say – you do. What you promise – you fulfill. No shifting. Nothing hidden in the shadows. You are who you say are. You do what you say you will do. Help me to continue to remember that as truth! What greater reason to find joy! To my friend reading with me today – in the good times or bad, may they hold to the truth of your word. May they find rest in you, hope in your word, joy in your truth. When they don’t have answers, may they look to your Word. When they are discouraged or down, may they trust that they can hide themselves in you. Where even in the shadows you stand strong. Thank you Lord. In Jesus’ sweet name – Amen!

Have you ever done something completely stupid? Not just a ‘that was dumb’ kind of moment, but an all out ‘where on earth did my brain go’ kind of moment? If you can’t seem to recall such a time then you are a liar…shame on you! 😉 My problem isn’t that I have to answer that question with a big ol’ ‘you know it’; the problem is narrowing down which of those were in fact the stupidest. Out of the blue this morning, one such moment quickly came flooding back to mind…

When I was in school, without question, I detested science. There was not a single grade level where I found it enjoyable; there was not a single facet that I wanted to engage in. Science made me want to be physically ill. It was because of this hatred that I intentionally put off taking Chemistry until my senior year in high school. Chemistry, in my opinion, is just the most evil of all the sciences but unfortunately one of those necessary evils to get to graduation. I held off taking it until my senior year for one very specific reason though – the ability to exempt the final exams. As you can see, I came at it with a distinct plan in mind. I was ready to attack it. The third day of my senior year we were preparing to do our very first experiment. Beakers were out, test tubes, the bunsen burner, goggles – the works. I have no clue what we were testing, but I remember we had to assemble the stand for our beaker to sit on. We had to light the burner and then, using these big old tongs, carefully place the beaker over the little flame. All was going great – I made my little notations, I did my little measurements, I was rocking this experiment – take that ‘science’, I’m kickin’ butt here. When I had completed my assignment, I then had to go about the task of taking my station back down and putting everything away. I diligently went about snuffing the fire out, putting my goggles away, and cleaning up the beakers and tubes, leaving the bunsen burner for last. I so carefully used the tongs to take the beaker down thinking the whole time ‘be careful – this is going to be hot.’ Slowly I was able to get the steaming glass over to the sink and breathed a huge sigh of relief that I had made that transition without burning myself or spilling the scolding hot contents all over. I went back to take the bunsen burner and ring stand apart and as I was mentally patting myself on the back, I grabbed ahold of the metal ring that the beaker had been sitting on. Did you catch that? I reached out, with my bare hand, and grabbed the metal ring that had been supporting the glass beaker over the hot fire. Interesting fact – when heating a beaker, anything that the beaker may be sitting on will also get hot. I had so carefully removed that blasted beaker only to come back to my stand and grab ahold of the scolding hot ring it had been sitting on. Are you kidding me? One moment, I was as careful as could be, the next I had second degree burns on the entire palm of my left hand. Are…you…kidding me?!?

James 1:13-15…”When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.”

Temptation! Here again, in this section of scripture, we see that James is just a cool guy. He has such a clear understanding of the human heart and mind. How we play the blame game; how we think way more highly of ourselves then we should. What I love is that for the first twelve verses he has really been addressing the idea of trials. The hardships and times of fear we face, that ultimately grow us stronger in the Lord. And then he ever so gently eases over into the idea of temptation – an area that we would rather just deny we struggle with and just say well, this is just the Lord too. But what we fail to get, and what James so pointedly is telling us here, is that trials (for the most part) are testings that happen on the outside, and temptations (for the most part) are the things happening on the inside. What he’s trying to drive home here is that if we aren’t careful, the testings on the outside may become temptations on the inside. Did you catch it? Read that again…if we aren’t careful the testings on the outside may very well become temptations on the inside.

When I was doing that experiment – all signs pointed out my need to be careful and that if I wasn’t I could get very hurt. I stayed alert to those signs for a little while, but then in my arrogance, in my stupidity of thinking I had done enough to stay safe, I fell right into getting hurt. That wasn’t the fault of my teacher. I couldn’t blame the students working around me. That was on me.

In the case of falling into temptation, there is always that gut reaction moment of wanting to blame God – we see that as far back as Genesis when Adam proclaimed…’That woman you put here with me…’, but as James states – God cannot be tempted and does not himself tempt us. Let’s face it – it’s so much easier to pass the blame then to face the reality. At any given time we could always try to make the argument that situations and things that other people do define us and cause us to act out on our temptations. But the Lord, has so graciously shown me the error of that thought process. In the same way that trials are a lifetime guarantee – temptations will always be along our path as well. If we don’t take seriously the danger that lies within those temptations (as James says, it will result in death) then we are walking a very dangerous line. That is why God so graciously left us His Word. He has placed scriptures, such as these powerful verses here in James, all throughout the Bible for us to learn and know, hear and understand, and most of all rely on in times where temptations want nothing more than to suck us in. We can try to say – I will never be able to stop…, we can claim that we make the choices we do because of the horrible upbringing we had…and we can stay trapped in a cycle that will do nothing but bring about death – but we are lying to ourselves. God however…, His word IS true. He IS the God from which everything comes. Every good and perfect gift IS from above. Even when that gift is wrapped in a trial that He helps us overcome. Even when that gift stays wrapped up for years, untouched by us. He IS a consistent God. He IS the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. When His word tells us of how he encouraged Moses to ‘Be strong and courageous’ to ‘not be afraid or terrified’, that ‘the LORD your God goes with you’ and ‘will never leave you or forsake you’. He is telling us those exact same words! And even when our friends struggle or our children seem to struggle, He will reach down and whisper those words in their ears as well. He does NOT change like shifting shadows! He IS all about loving us! Yes, there will be times where trials may tempt us to handle them in sin. Yes, there will be times that we make that choice. But praise God…no, I mean it PRAISE God that He loves us so much! Praise God that He stands ready to help us overcome that sin. Praise God that when we do fall, He is the one that picks us up. Praise God that we have been given the opportunity to live this life in the freedom of His grace and mercy and not bound in captivity.

It is not always easy. You know how that memory of my Chemistry catastrophe came to mind this morning? I was cooking on the stove. I had cooked up a little something  and in my haste to keep them from burning, moved them from the back burner where they had been cooking to the front that was nice and cool. In the rush of my putting the things together I sat my spatula too close to the back burner that had just been cooking – and burnt the top of my finger. I’ve walked this road before…and yet did it again! Are you kidding me?!?! Even if that is how you feel over the most gripping of temptations you face – where you thought you’d learned enough not to go there again…know that your God is not there trying to trip you up and make you fall – He is waiting to help pull you back up. There is such hope and so much joy to be found in that truth!

My prayer for Today…

Lord, I would so love to pretend like I am not faced with temptations and better yet would love to say I avoid all of the temptations that come my way. But… The enemy would love nothing more in those times where we fall into temptation, than to cloud our mind with thoughts that would question you, doubt you and be angry with you. Thank you Lord for the assurance that you would not tempt us into evil. Thank you for never leaving us or forsaking us when we feel we are just too weak to resist a temptation or that we are a failure for having given in. Thank you for your grace. Thank you for the promise that you are working to make sure that we lack nothing. Thank you for being our rescuer. Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your love. Thank you for mercies that are new every morning. When the fear of falling overwhelms, thank you for being our peace. So humbled by your love this morning. Thank you Lord. Amen.

So trials are inevitable; they come as an attempt to strengthen our faith and bring us to a place of completion; we should consider that pure joy. One would think that, having barely touched the surface of the subject; James would really continue diving down deep into that subject. But that doesn’t exactly seem to be the case…check it out…”If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.” James 1:5-8 So it seems we are taking a bit of a detour…or are we? At what point in our lives do we need wisdom more than in times of trial? When we are in a season of testing, is that not the time we most need counsel? In the face of these storms…when clearly scripture tells us to consider these times with a spirit of joy…there has to come the question, how? Wouldn’t you agree? So to whom are we asking that question?

As a society, I have to say, we have come up with some pretty creative ways to seek wisdom and counsel, affirmation and answers. Social media. This has become a great outlet to express what’s on our mind, to complain about our day, to ask for recommendations from everything from what to have for dinner to a good family doctor. We read of problems that others have expressed and even find ourselves scrolling through the responses that have come from people we don’t even know – just to see what others might have said. We are always looking for wisdom, for answers, for understanding. But James is ‘politely’ pointing out here that we are looking in the wrong place and with the wrong heart.

As I have pointed out before, Chris and I met when were quite young – just teenagers. Needless to say, the quick way in which we became so serious about each other did not exactly thrill Chris’ mom and therefore I was not a particular ‘fan favorite’ for quite some time (or at least that was my 17 year old perception). But in fairness, there were several things going against me. Chris was her firstborn. I lived eleven hours away. He was at a place where he needed to be making decisions on college, not a spouse…to name but a few. Now having a good relationship with his mom was very important to me, and I began to process ways that I could get into her good graces. This was never something that I prayed about. At no time did I ever get on my knees and ask the Lord for wisdom in how to find favor with Denise or how to build a real relationship with her. At the time, it seemed a silly prayer. If I was going to be in Chris’ life, by default I was going to be in hers so why pray for what was going to happen (Did I mention I was very young and clearly stupid at the time?). I wrestled with how to become close with Denise for a long time, and finally I came up with a brilliant, beyond brilliant plan. I was going to become an elementary school teacher. Denise was an elementary school teacher…how perfect would that be? We would have common ground, similar interests. I would be able to go to her for advice and talk through experiences with her and we would become close. I sought no other opinion, but merely stepped out and applied to college, making all the right preparations and choosing all the right classes that would set me up for a teaching degree. I even got a job at an elementary school as an instructional assistant. Perfection! Well, perfection…on paper…reality was something much more different. I struggled horribly with classes. I faced such internal struggles – ones that I could never quite put my finger on. By this point, Chris and I were married and were both working full-time jobs while going to school full-time – not exactly stress free years. I soon grew to a point where I began to hate my classes. I lacked motivation, I just didn’t want to be there – and so I didn’t go. The problem was I never told Chris that I wasn’t going, never dropped the classes and tried to hide the semesters that I had flunked out of every class. It was in those moments, that I began to pray…prayers of fear – what if I’m found out, what will Chris say, how can I get out of this? I never acknowledged that maybe I was trying to force something that wasn’t intended for me. I never laid it all down before the Lord or sought His direction and I certainly never asked for His plan or wisdom in what to do. And yet I continuously asked myself the question of why was I in this mess?

The day finally came where Chris found out the truth of how I had been handling my college career. It was a painful time in our relationship and yet a groundbreaking one for reasons I’ll save for another day. But together we decided that I should stop trying to pursue a degree. Fast forward, about a year. I was working for a Christian bookstore as their gift buyer and assistant manager. One afternoon I had the pleasure of meeting a woman who was a part of a national women’s conference. She was in town because they were holding their conference at a local church and she was in doing some promotion. Somehow she and I struck up a conversation and she quickly asked me if I would take my lunch break with her. For the life of me I would not be able to tell you the details of that conversation; I could not even tell you her name but it was the most life changing conversation I’ve ever encountered. As I sat listening to her talk of doing ministry and being on mission for God, affecting the lives of women and reaching the lost for His glory…the Lord gently and firmly interrupted the conversation. I sat listening to her rather intently, when I was overwhelmed by Him saying…’you know… this is what I have for you’. Now granted His voice was not audible…she had no clue He had interrupted her and I certainly played it off, but it was very much like He had slipped into the booth beside me, nudged me and began to talk. He continued, ‘do you hear what she is saying…that is what I want for you…for your life, your walk, your career.’ I cannot tell you how excited and bubbly I became in that moment. I wanted to shout out ‘OKAY!’ but before I could He completed His thought…’but there’s something you need to do for me first. You need to go back to school.’ Now I’ve got to tell you – the woman who was talking to me probably thought I had completely lost my mind because I went from completely excited and bubbly to completely nauseous – turning all different shades of green all the while not telling her of the conversation God and I were currently having. I can ONLY imagine what expressions kept randomly running across my face. From inside my head I screamed at God – ‘WHY?!?!’ to which He directly replied ‘so that I might have that victory in your life.’ I inwardly confessed that I couldn’t do it – I would fail – that I would start and (to quote James) merely end up blown and tossed by the wind. And do you know what His response was? ‘You’re exactly right…you will.’ I suddenly realized in that moment that this was a trial, a test that I had failed – miserably. Everything in me knew that I would, without question, fail at it again if not for one thing. I needed to seek help from Him. I clearly lacked the wisdom on how to succeed in this – I needed Him. I had tried semester after semester telling myself ‘you can do this’; knowing that I wouldn’t be able to. I had tried to go down a career path that the Lord had not prepared for me. And I had tried to manipulate a relationship with my mother-in-law that the Lord had designed to be beautiful in His time. I had asked with doubt plaguing my heart and mind and the result had been nearly drowning from being tossed about in the waves so much. I realized that this would hang over me forever, not just as an area where I had failed, but where I hadn’t allowed the Lord to win. I could not do it without Him. Exactly a year from that lunch I walked across the stage of the coliseum, dawning a cap and gown, accepting my diploma and praising my God – who, because I had asked Him (over and over and over that year) for wisdom, had given it to me generously without finding fault.

Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:6 – And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Are you seeking Him? Do you believe He will give you the wisdom you seek? Is your faith in Him, man or yourself? He stands ready to give…generously…won’t you allow Him to?

My prayer for Today…

Precious Lord, I realize quickly as I think through foolish decisions I’ve made in my lifetime – I come to one resounding understanding – you are a massively patient God. I also see that I am far more stubborn and thick headed than I realized. There are times where I have encountered situations and sought wisdom and opinions from everyone I could think of, but you. There have been times where I’ve just rested in the knowledge of what I felt and wanted to do. In my ignorance, in my stupidity…I fail often to seek that wisdom from you. But, as you promised, you have never forsaken, never failed, never left me – no matter how many times I have forsaken you, failed you, and walked away from you. I need your help Lord to remember to lean on you and look to you during the hardest of trials, but Lord may I not forget to look to you for the day-to-day. If you are the one who has laid this path I’m on before me – why on earth would I look to others for direction. May I hold to you and look to you – always. I pray for my friend who has been gracious to read my ramblings today – I pray that when they have questions, concerns, need wisdom, or question the trials that surround them currently – that it is You that they look to and lean on. Precious Lord – thank you for loving us so desperately, intently, and completely. I love you. In Jesus name…Amen!

It was November of 1993. My sister Jennifer, a new youth pastor at a church in Louisville, KY, had just taken one of her youth out for a ‘thank you/get to know you’ dinner. She sat across from a tall 17 year old boy, chatting about the move he had just helped her and her husband make into their new home. Chatting, that soon turned to the age old question that every teenage boy is asked…’So do you have a girlfriend?’ Now I’m not sure the exact response, but whatever words he uttered were met with ‘Oh, you sound just like my sister.’ And for the next 45 minutes she spoke of me. Again, not knowing what words she said…a young Christopher Andrew went home and said to his mom ‘I’ve just heard about the girl I’m going to marry.’ We were married three years later and we have just crossed over the 20 year mark as husband and wife. There is power in the spoken word!

About a month following that encounter, Chris asked my sister if she had my address because he wanted to write me a letter. (Yes, an actual pen to paper, put it in an envelope, place a stamp in the corner, put it in the mailbox – letter. We were pre-email my friends!). Who knew that simple request would turn into 6 months of writing back and forth. Who knew that genuine feelings would spring forth and that two teenage kids would fall in love – never having talked face-to-face, never having been on a date, never having spent any time together. Love that came through writing letters. There is power in the written word!

I have always been an introvert! Always. I’ve learned to put myself out there, but that takes a concerted effort because to my very bones I’m an introvert all the way. Add in a strong dose of low self-esteem and insecurities and it’s a wonder I ever spoke as a child. But give me a pen and a piece of paper or a keyboard and a blank screen and I can’t seem to fill it fast enough. I think it is for this reason I am so drawn to the letters written in the New Testament, but to the letter James wrote in particular. He didn’t just write a letter…he got real and to the point better than most of the New Testament writers (in my opinion). He uses illustrations that not only make you think, but also smack you upside the head. I love that! 😉 I have read his letter countless times, I have even attempted to pray through it once before – given this current season that I am in – I cannot seem to stay away from it. Every time I read it, I glean something entirely new. There is power in THE Word!

So it is clear to say that several decades ago, I fell in love through letters. Something that I thought was completely unique and could never happen again. And then I began to pour over the Bible. Grabbing verses here and there, devouring entire books, flipping through to the ‘favorites’ and low and behold not only did I come to realize that I have a God who loves me like crazy…but that is how I came to love Him too. There is purpose in His holy word.

Then I look at the very simple first verse found in James. James 1:1 and it says, “James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes scattered among the nations: Greetings.” I’ll confess that for the longest time I thought this was a ‘throw away verse’. Nothing super life-changing in this simple little opening. Not really a verse that I’m going to quote when a friend comes to me for encouragement or give as a verse to live by. Not one that I’m gonna spend much time on because lets face it, in the book of James there are some meaty verses in there – let’s skip this one and get to the good stuff…i.e. a throw away verse. But when I stop to realize that ALL of scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness (2 Tim. 3:16) well, then I can’t really throw this verse away, but instead better look at it that much closer. There is a lesson in His holy word.

To get much out of this verse, it is helpful to know a little something about James, in particular that he is the brother of Jesus. He has been with Jesus his entire life – he has eaten with him, washed with him, done chores with him and yet as it states in John 7:5 ‘even his brothers did not believe in him.’ In fact, it wasn’t until Jesus was resurrected that James believed. And here he is not just finally believing but pouring his life out to make the name of Jesus known. I think about the weight of that truth. He could have taken on the attitude of a name dropper…’I am James. The brother of Jesus. You know the one who performed miracles, raised folks from the dead, walked on water – oh yeah and came back to life himself after being dead for three days? Yeah, you know him? I am his brother.’ I’m relatively sure the rest of the book would have unraveled had that been his starting point. He could have also taken the approach of ‘ashamed’ – all those years, all of that access to the one true Messiah and he never believed. He could have hung his head in regret and shame, anguished by the years of wasted time and had he done so there may not have been book at all. But the approach he took – the word he used? Servant. He didn’t boast in his title or hide in his shame. He made it clear from the very first line of his letter that it wasn’t about him at all. ‘James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ’. There is meaning in His word.

When times get difficult. When conflict arises and fractures begin to appear (in relationships or any situation), we always have a choice of how to address it. We can puff ourselves up with an attitude of ‘don’t you know who I am’, we could get completely defeated with an attitude of regret and ‘I should have never come here’ or we can set ourselves aside. We can remember that in the end – it is not about us, it is not for our glory, it is not for our sympathy…it is about being His. If I would start every argument with ‘Hi, I’m Sarah, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ’ there’s not going to be much anger that follows that statement. If I would start every scenario of conflict, fear, worry or stress with ‘I, Sarah, a servant of God…’ then …   As a servant, I’m not in control. As a servant, I’m not ‘all that and a bag of chips’. As a servant, I’ve been called to serve and therefore have worth. As a servant…   There is conviction in His word.

How about you? Which approach are you taking with others? Do you approach based on making a name for yourself? Do you cower in insecurity? What prevents you from simply being His servant? What stops you from drawing close to His word?

My prayer for today…

Precious Lord, I come before you empty, worn and completely uncertain about so many things. I have given the enemy so much freedom to play with my thoughts and wreak havoc on my heart. I find myself bouncing around focusing on so many other things when my focus – to every day, to every situation, to everything that I do should be as your servant, as your girl. Sometimes I bend toward the side of wanting to show others where they are wrong…that is your job – You are God…I am your servant. Sometimes I want to hide away from all of the unknowns, all of the changes, all of the uncertainties…but you knew of these things before the foundations of the earth – You are God…I am your servant. I am in a season where I am confused by the doors you are opening and those you are closing. I want to take control, check all of my boxes, and wrap it up in a nice tidy little bow…You are God…I am your servant. I have been blessed to have had you in my heart for over thirty years. There have been times where I have felt you dance with me, times where I’ve relied on you to carry me, times of deep conversations and sweet songs. I confess that while I see the challenge of this one simple verse in James – and I pray it out before you here – I struggle to truly let all else go and just trust that being your servant is sufficient. Lord I want so much to fall in love with your Word all over again. I need to be reminded of how much you love me – and remember that nothing else matters. I desire to be your girl, to find rest in you, and to boldly lay all else aside to just serve you. Help me find a renewed joy in serving you. Help my sweet friend who may be reading this now be bold enough to proclaim to be yours, to put down selfish desires or insecure excuses and just hold to being yours. Help them to see the power that is in your word, the purpose and lesson that you have placed in it for them. Open their hearts to what you need from them – as a servant in the church, as a servant in their home, as a servant in their relationships, as a servant for you. Lord while I know you continuously promise you will never leave or forsake – I also know that I have to take those steps to stay closer to you. I am excited to dive deeper into your word. I need you Lord. I love you so very much. I pray all of this in your precious Son, Jesus’, name – Amen!