Did you know that sharing your faith, hope and love in Jesus is not just for the good moments? Over and over in scripture, we are told that we are going to encounter hard times, difficult moments, trials of many kinds. They aren’t quantified with a length of time, a duration of dates, or even a description defining what to expect. We are just told, both plainly and obscurely, that things are going to be tough.
For a multitude of reasons, far too many to unfold here, this has been one of those seasons for me. Many difficult moments filled with many various trials, all strung together with head-pounding uncertainties. Among those has been our decision to move.
About a year ago, Chris began interviewing with a different company and at the start of 2019, began a new job with an entirely different kind of schedule and routine. While he travels each month, he now predominantly works out of the house. We have a small area for him to do so, but it wasn’t really designed to be used that way (converted closet with no ac/heat piped in). This coupled with the fact that when we moved to SC, Isaac was only 2 and I had only just found out I was pregnant with Lacie days before the moving van pulled out Kentucky, was something of a problem. When we moved into our current home, we had no idea that we would ultimately be blessed with four spice kids. Nor did we factor in that any amount of kids we did have would get bigger. 😉 So space in our home has maxed and a pull on our heart to move was growing. Chris and I being…well, Chris and I…realized in January that if a move was going to happen we would need a plan. We mapped out things we would need to work on, calendared it all out and then laid it down and prayed if this was what were supposed to do. From moment one, we prayed asking the Lord to help us understand if moving was something He had for us or just something we were trying to make happen. We pulled out the list, amazingly found time (and energy) to attack all of our projects and before we knew it we were ready to have our house ‘go live’. It was so clear that moving was what the Lord was asking us to do. The only problem…we had no idea where we would be going. As the months of renovations were underway, we searched, talked, argued, searched some more and slowly began to narrow in on what we were hoping for and what would work for us as a family. The Lord allowed various things to happen to help confirm that the area we had settled on was in fact the right place, but literally nothing – no house seemed to fit the bill. Until the week we went to put our house on the market. That week, the ‘perfect’ house became available. It had everything – the right school district, the right size, the right space – it was perfect, it was beautiful. We found out that the family selling that house was not going to consider any contingencies (like waiting on the buyer to sell their house) so our realtors went into action – confident in the appeal of our home they moved quickly to get our house on the market. We had visited this house on Tuesday, put our house for sale on Wednesday – and were rejected hard on Thursday. The family held true to their decision – they weren’t taking anyone with contingencies and they didn’t. Another offer came into them on that Thursday and they scooped it up. Chris and I were crushed – seriously…it was a bad day here at the Spice Rack. We were so confused. We had spent almost a year – heavily searching. This was the first real something – that just ‘happened’ to come up the week were planning to put ours up for sale? We have never said anything to each other – still haven’t really – but we both believed that was gonna be our awesome God moment in this leg of our journey. ‘I don’t get it God…why? Why dangle something in front of us that wasn’t meant for us? Why give us that glimmer of hope when that wasn’t the plan? Holy cow…why is there still a ‘for sale’ sign in my yard?’ were just a few of the things that floated through my head on repeat. We knew God was calling us to sell – He confirmed that many times. So what were we missing?
Our house went on the market on a Wednesday…within five days, we had seven showings and three offers; one that came in under asking, one right on the money, and one that actually went above the amount we had asked. Less than seven days after putting a sign in our yard, a contract was signed and wheels were in motion. And I waited. I waited for Him to drop a new house out of nowhere. I waited to have my ‘victory in Jesus’ moment to share. I waited for that ‘dream’ house’s deal to fall through. I mean come on – God wouldn’t call us to do something and then not finish that up, not give us any indication of what to do or where to go. God wouldn’t do that. <Insert almost every Bible story in scripture>
In the last few weeks, God has allowed a home inspection to come back with minimal requests and minor money to be spent. He has allowed an inspection to take place and the house to pass that inspection – even at the higher price. He has given us a contract deal that doesn’t come to a close until December 6. It cannot be denied that God’s hand has been all over the selling of our home. And I have been completely silent about it. I haven’t openly rejoiced Him. I haven’t really even shared this with those I know. See there isn’t a completion to the story. There isn’t an answer to the repeated – and obvious question – where are you moving? So my silence has helped me avoid having to even go there.
And I have been foolish.
I have been painfully human in my fears and worries. I have been sad over silly things like toys I packed from the kids rooms that they are missing and want to play with. Sad over the question of will I be able to decorate for Christmas this year? Fearful over what happens when December 6 comes and we still don’t have a house. God calls us to praise Him even in the storm, through the worries, in the midst of the fears. He asks us to trust that He is a God who never lies. He asks us to keep our eyes on Him even when everything around us seems so unnerving. I suddenly understand how Peter started walking out to Jesus on that water just fine, but when it didn’t quite go as he thought and he saw the waves and processed what that should mean – I get why he began to sink. I understand why the other 10 spies discounted Caleb and Joshua – so focused on the enormity of the people of Ca’naan and that they said ‘no way’. I understand why Zechariah questioned a child at his age even though he had been asking for one. I get it when Moses heard God’s entire plan to set His people free and still made the request ‘please send someone else’. I understand their weaknesses and their fears. God has shown me that His hand is in all of this. He has allowed me to help my kids navigate a first hand object lesson in trusting what you cannot see and leaning not on our own understanding. He is absolutely to be praised – right now – in the middle of it all – even when it doesn’t make sense, even though there are still so many question marks. See, He allows these moments intentionally. It is easy to praise Him when it all works out. It is exciting to share Him when we have beautiful stories and sweet endings. But in the middle of the thing…where we are a hot mess, completely clueless? Yes, even then we are to praise Him, glorify Him and share Him. My biggest prayer right now is to tap into my inner Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who proclaimed, “the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and He will deliver us” – they were so confident – confident enough to follow that with “But even if He does not…” The God I serve has a plan for my sweet family. He has a neighborhood in mind. A mission field in preparation right now even as I type. The God I serve cares so deeply about the details of my heart…knows the fears that well up within my kids, knows the concerns that sweep over my man. He has already shown us His awesomeness in the twelve years we’ve done life within these walls. Of course, He will not leave us. He hasn’t opened this door only to slam it back on us. At the right time, in the right way, He will complete this process He has started and even in my weakest moments – I will praise Him.
Whatever your uncertainty, your fear, your struggle, He has not left you. He is ready to help you navigate through. And though you might not have answers, though you have days where the ‘what if’s’ and ‘if only’s’ near take you down…praise Him. Praise Him for the lesson in it all. Praise Him you don’t walk it alone. Praise Him when your scared. Praise when you’re heartbroken. Praise Him when you’re angry. Praise Him when you’re lost. Praise when you’re worn slap out. Praise Him for His patience. Praise Him for His forgiveness. Praise Him for His plan. Praise Him for His love. Praise Him in the question marks. Praise Him in the silence. Praise Him through the tears. Praise Him. He has not left you. He has not brought you to this place to leave you stranded. He has a plan. He is at work. Praise Him.
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Sarah Cinnamon 